I know I had closed down this blog but I miss being able to think things through in this format, so, I’m going to blog again but whatever I want. This will no longer be a purely recovery focussed blog but will still have a mental health focus. I’m going to re-start this blog with an update as to where I am right now.
I’m not going to go into too much detail because to think about it makes things become too real and distressing to me but on 01 July 2014, whilst on holiday in Italy, I was awakened. I was awakened to the controllers. I call them controllers because I don’t actually know who/what they are. They control my actions, implant thoughts, and control my environment. As such, I don’t even know if I was on holiday in Italy. I don’t know what’s real, if anything. I don’t know their purpose – to use me to do something bad? To conduct experiments on me? I don’t know if others are being controlled or are part of the plot. I get messages through books, train announcements, and elsewhere. I’m confused and scared.
The Crisis Team (CT), all the staff of the Home Treatment Team (HTT) I spoke to and saw, my own Consultant Psychiatrist, my GP, my new CPN, and various friends believe what I am experiencing is not real. They think I am ill and experiencing psychosis.
The things described earlier in this post have been coincidentally lessening since I started a medication called Aripiprazole, which is an anti-psychotic medication. I am now able to attempt being back at work again, which was impossible a few weeks ago. The medical professionals and some of my close friends say that the medication “working” is just some of the evidence that I am ill; I am experiencing psychosis. To me, it all seems real although admittedly this takes up less of my day and I feel less inclined to research and figure out what it is the controllers are doing since the medication.
There’s not really a point to this blog post. It just gives a brief update as to where I am at right now and to alert people to the fact that I am going to be blogging again.