Leaving Behind my Self-worth?

Just a short update. I don’t know really how to explain this but today I informed my line managers that I am handing in my notice. I had spoken to them briefly a couple of weeks ago to let them know I was considering it but today I confirmed it. I spent time with family and friends and have discussed the issue with them. I am also being supported in this decision by my CPN.

This past year I had an episode of hypomania for a number of weeks followed by severe depression for 3 months. I had 2 months stability before enduring 5 months of psychosis. I am now currently in another episode of depression and have been for about a month and a half. I have had a lot of time off work due to these episodes and it is currently impacting on my ability to carry on with my job. In addition, the job itself is impacting on my health. I have had to face the truth that it is now becoming something that is untenable.

Handing in my notice has been one of the most difficult things I have had to do. It has caused tears and panic and much emotional turmoil. Employment to me is really important and I gain a lot of self-worth from being employed. It is difficult for me not to feel like a failure. I am trying to head this off and remember and practise the ideas of self-compassion I was introduced to whilst in DBT.

My plan now? It is to garner a little stability, become involved in the local foodbank at my church, participate in the next level of my Italian classes (ie put some structure into my week) and then once well enough again I will look for employment, perhaps with something that isn’t so emotionally draining or responsible.

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About Carrie Quinn

I'm a former solicitor whose life was turned upside down due to problems with my mental health. I'm now aiming towards recovery, which to me means rebuilding a meaningful life - not necessarily disorder free.
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