So, since my last blog I have had another episode of psychosis and the Clopixol had to be increased again to squash it. However, I’m still unhappy with this medication. I have numerous side effects due to this medication including:

• Being emotionally blunted and numb;
• I haven’t cried in a year, which is completely out of character for me;
• Blurred vision, for which I have to take procyclidine;
• A horrible dry mouth sensation;
• Random tics.

The worst one is the emotional numbness. It has robbed me of joy and sorrow. It has robbed me of my motivation and my will to live.

So, I am changing the Clopixol for Risperidone to see if that will better suit me. Apparently antipsychotics all have a blunting effect but the older ones (such as Clopixol) are renowned for being the worst at this. I’m going to give Risperidone (a newer, atypical antipsychotic) a go but I am scared. Scared that the psychosis will return because the Risperidone doesn’t work for me. Scared also of potential weight gain.

Risperidone isn’t like Olanzapine though for weight gain, it doesn’t tend to put anywhere as near much on and if Risperidone gives me back my motivation I will be up and about much more and even get back to the gym thus limiting any weight gain. That’s the hope anyway.

If I have another episode of psychosis* there are other antipsychotics still I can try to help me with that.

So, fingers crossed for the next few weeks or so during and after the changeover.

*I’m still in two minds as to whether it is psychosis or if I am just suppressing reality.


About Carrie Quinn

I'm a former solicitor whose life was turned upside down due to problems with my mental health. I'm now aiming towards recovery, which to me means rebuilding a meaningful life - not necessarily disorder free.
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